My posting this week started and stopped about a hundred times through tears, anger, and lots of deep breathing. As is true in all losses, there was a period over the past few days of deep and painful mourning for the devastating departure of an icon and trailblazing badass, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, from this world. RBG was a personal shero of mine, as she was to countless others. How could you not love her sharp wit, staggering intelligence, scathing dissents, and impeccable fashion sense. She was a graceful and fierce fighter. She fought for all of us, men and women, in hopes of making our lives more fair and just. I won’t belabor her infinite accomplishments, many seasoned and eloquent journalists and politicians have done that this week. But I do encourage you to learn a bit more about her if you don’t know much. There was even a wonderful movie made about her life and the herculean effort she led for women’s equality in “On the Basis Of Sex” and the Oscar nominated documentary “RBG”.
One of the things I loved most about Justice Ginsburg was her ability to speak so powerfully, yet so gently. She would eviscerate the opposition in her dissents, but somehow, you could always feel the respect that she had for the position she held on the court, and for those who shared it with her. I strive to be ever like her in my arguments and “fight for the things that (I) care about…in a way that will lead others to join (me).”
As I was thinking of how I might be able to honor her life in my own way, the love story that she shared with her husband of 56 years, Martin Ginsburg, kept popping into my mind. Marty was an iconic tax attorney and professor, but was also quite an accomplished cook. After he died in 2010, the other Supreme Court spouses put together a cook book in his honor, including many recipes that he made for them during their lunches together along with some personal stories. I purchased this book from the Supreme Court Historical Society and promptly sat down and read it cover to cover when it came in.
It’s a small spiral bound booklet, much like you’d see in any gift shop. The recipes were mainly french dishes, and showed his level of skill in the kitchen to even attempt some of them. Many were written in his own words with instructions so detailed, it made you feel like maybe you could be a french chef too. But what I loved most, were the stories that were written by the other spouses on the court, his friends, and kids. You could feel how much they all loved him. He used food as a way to share a part of himself with them. His welcoming personality was partnered with meals that made people want to share a table together out of joy instead of obligation. That is a legacy I aspire to as well.
In every interview I’ve ever read where they speak about each other, the amount of love that was present there could be felt just pouring out of them. They were a true partnership. Lifting each other up when they needed it, and supporting the other when it was their time to shine. Marty often said that his greatest accomplishment in life was marrying Ruth. It wasn’t a tired line, he truly meant it. He was in awe of her, as was I. He fed her, and cared for her, and helped her to become the woman we all miss so terribly right now.
In these last 4 years, RBG fought harder for all of us than we could ever have known, during a time when her work and her legacy were under a violent attack, as was her body. She made sure to always downplay her illness, so as not to cause despair, and she held on as long as she could because she knew what it meant to leave us right now. I’ll forever be grateful for the doors that she opened for me. A woman who works in technology, a typically male dominant field. A woman who is the primary source of my family’s income. A woman who has shirked the gender roles and has a husband who is a stay at home Dad, and also my steadfast partner. A woman who has made the choice to not have any biological children, and has been able to make that choice for my own body by having access to birth control. A woman who is outspoken and honest to a fault, because I can be. All of these things that I am, I owe to the fight that Justice Ginsburg went through for me, before I was even born.
Last week when I first heard she had passed, I felt sheer panic and a debilitating wave of pure sadness and hopelessness. But I realized that that was just a selfish reaction to being left here to navigate the wilderness of our country right now without my steadfast and ever present north star. For her, this was a relief. She was finally able to let go of the pain and put down that platform she was holding up for us to launch ourselves off of and smash a million more cracks in that glass ceiling. She is finally able to rest. I know she was met by her beloved Marty, that they are laughing in the kitchen, she’s telling him of all the ridiculous stories of the world today, and he is feeding her once again.
Thank you Justice Ginsburg. Rest in peace and in power. It’s our turn to fight now, we’ll try to make you proud.